I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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