thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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