So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
