My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
