I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
