Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
