Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
