why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
