Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
