i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
