FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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