My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
