Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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