i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
