I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
