Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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