Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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