I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
