their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
