Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am available for nakedness
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
