Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
