so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
