belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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