Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
