if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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