Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
