A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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