I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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