i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
