I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
