Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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