I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
