u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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