Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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