can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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