Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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