My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
