I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
