This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
