I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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