So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
