omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
