he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
