Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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