dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
