My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
