I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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