you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
