so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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