: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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