i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
