Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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