I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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