I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
