he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
