can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just googled if crying burns calories
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
