It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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